I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
