oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
