Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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