I faked an abortion last night.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
