I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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