Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i will never coherently bang her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
