Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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