It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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