i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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