craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
