; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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