R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
