I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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