I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
