If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
