Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
