he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
