How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
