so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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