Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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