I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
