There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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