this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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