I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
