You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I will die if light touches me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
