Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
