I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wear drunk well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
