ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
