Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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