Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
