he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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