Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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