There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
