I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
