I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
