I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
