There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
