its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
