I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
