I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
