i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
