I met the friendliest cop last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
