every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
