this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ruined the universe
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
