he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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