its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
