what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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