How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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