Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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