Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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