I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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