wakey wakey hands off snakey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
