Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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