I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
