i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
