OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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