My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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