the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
