I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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