An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
