u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
