I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird