ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
