he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
