nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
