you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
