Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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