Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson