if i can run in heels then i can drive
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.