my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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