i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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