dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.