I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
