So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
