Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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