can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's like iHOP with fire
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
