I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
